Tuesday, 2 July 2013

Onepoto caves

WALT choose words that describe a moment (in an exciting way) for the reader
  • begins in the action
  • present tense (I am, not I was)
  • short, sharp sentences
  • strong verbs
  • language features (simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia, metaphor)
  • show personality (sounds like you, humour, feelings, exaggeration)

Onepoto Caves
As We get our head torch we put our other stuff on. Then last thing we put on is our raincoat on. We go into the truck and Ben was rushing through then? ? ?
Smack! ! ! Ben shuts the door then mom drives off like a racing car
then we stop and wait for them. We go  and race off again vroom! ! ! vroom! ! ! It was fun. We stopped at the onepoto caves they looked spooky and horrible and nasty gross but it was okay for me. Then in excitement I say Yeah! ! ! I shout to myself in a yep Ben and Tyrone heard me and I was a bit extremely too loud for them. We hop out of the truck and walk out.We saw the caves they looked awesome but it was pretty annoying having the rain dropping on us that was a disaster we waited to go and walk inside then we stayed in a line and went in to go inside the Onepoto caves we were excited to go in there was no noise except us making noise. We were going down it was slippery and muddy yuck. As I put on my torch I stop and take a look  it looks like treasure I hope it was because I could've been rich I-I-I could not say a word of course.



  1. Well done Dylan. I like your photo. And you look really squashed. My favorite part is when you shouted YEAH really loud. That was so funny. Well done:)

  2. Very descriptive writing. Was heaps of fun and you stayed to the end

  3. I love the language you used in this writing, Dylan.


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